I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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