She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
