I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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