I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
