is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
