No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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