i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
