No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
