wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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