You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
