I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
my liver is dry heaving
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
