do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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