i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
