stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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