In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
