Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just pee around me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
