I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
