What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
