Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
