you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
