You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
