Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
