All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Found the puke drawer
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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