ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
