I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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