Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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