Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
PANTIES FOUND
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