Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
