i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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