I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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