Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
