We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
