im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
