I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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