Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
