Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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