Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
