I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
