The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
