ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My vagina is officially offended.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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