WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
