i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
