if only i could text you this smell
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize