I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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