She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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