Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
