I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
