We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
