Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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