I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
