About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
