Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
