took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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