It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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