So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
