all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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