I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize