Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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