Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
