I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
