she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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