on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
