I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
