Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My vagina is very pro this idea
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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