He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize