He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
