just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
