I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
